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Lack of sexual desire

Rania asks: I'm 51, postmenopause. My husband and I have a blended family with 5 children under the age of 22 living at my home. Lately, my lack of sexual desire is starting to wreak havoc on our intimate relationship. Help!

My reply: WOW Raina! Thank you for asking this question--because I can guarantee you are not alone. 


I mean, I know you are not alone because there are 7 adults living in your house 😉 …but I also mean you are not the only one challenged with fluctuating or declining sexual desire and wondering what to do next. A lot of us feel like the “batteries” are drained.


I have good news though:

  1. If you can, try to stop thinking of desire as an on-off switch; as something “you have” or “don't have.” Instead, try to think of it as a sliding scale, like happiness--which is definitely a sliding scale: some days we could be a “2” and other days, we might be a “9 or 10!” Dr. Lori Brotto taught me this. She also taught me how keeping my own name at the top of the list (and I realize that might be challenging for you--but it's essential… even if you can walk in nature for a few minutes each day, or practice some sort of mindfulness activity you love)…this can be a GAMECHANGER!

  2. The work of Dr. Lori Brotto and her team the at the UBC Sexual Health Research lab has been instrumental in guiding my own sexual health + what I share via I invite you to read this article featuring Dr. Brotto and check out her book called Better Sex Through Mindfulness. It's evidence-based and continues to help thousands!

  3. 💥 New York Times best-selling author, Emily Nagoski (author of “Come as You Are”) is coming to Menopause Chicks on March 13 for a virtual fireside chat to discuss her new book, Come Together: The Science (and Art!) of Creating Lasting Sexual Connections!


I hope to see you there (virtually) on March 13th (registration opens tomorrow/same day as Emily's new book comes out!) 


As I said, this is a question and topic many women in my community want to prioritize, so thank you for asking it today.


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